Dr Gary Chapman in his book FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES explained that each and every one of us have different love languages that we understand, and the dominant one, he calls the PRIMARY LOVE LANGUAGE. So in relationships, you must know the primary love language of your partner.
He expounded on these things:
1. Word of Affirmation
Some people don’t even want anything from their partners other than their affirmation. Constantly telling them you appreciate all they do for you. Telling them how much you love them. Telling/showing them they have your full support.
2. Acts of Service
Some people just want you to help them do things. They feel loved when you help them out with things even of they don’t ask. Like, they have a flat tire, you help them fix it. You enter their kitchen and you help them clean it up… etc
3. Receiving Gifts
Some people appreciate it more when you give them gifts, money. They feel more loved when you constantly buy them stuff. Most especially things they need. You’re returning from a journey and get them stuff.
4. Quality Time
Some people, even if you get them the world and you are not always available for them physically or emotionally, spending quality time, they will never feel loved by you. They won’t. They feel more loved when they see that you are always available for them… Giving them a listening ear and engaging with them real-time.
5. Physical Touch
Some people feel loved when they are touched. When they are sad, you hug them, pat them on the back, and tell them everything will be fine. They want to cuddle, hug, hold hands,…etc.
Why am I saying all of this at this time?
Because of the RADICAL HONESTY series that I write.
I have figured that many people don’t/can’t even say exactly what makes them feel loved (e.g. telling someone you feel more loved when they hold you tightly etc). Some don’t even know. THIS IS WHY MANY SEEM TO NOT KNOW WHAT THEY WANT [OUT OF A RELATIONSHIP].
(Please read “Five Love Languages” by Dr Chapman to figure yourself.)
In fact, the people who know their [primary and secondary] love languages often feel they are being NEEDY when they tell their partner, “this and this makes me HAPPY!”. So instead, they just keep quiet and watch their partner struggle till s/he is fed up, expecting him/her to pick a clue, till everything crumbles. Sad tho.
See, friend, the quality of being needy balls around intention. It is not neediness when your intentions are pure—that is, to make the relationship work and not just for some self-serving purposes. On the contrary, you become NEEDY AND UNATTRACTIVE when the real reason behind what you are saying is self-gratification and not for the relationship really.
What am I saying exactly?
BE HONEST AND STRAIGHTFORWARD ABOUT WHAT YOU REALLY WANT AND ARE THINKING AT ALL TIMES IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS. SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS. MAKE THEM WORK.
MORE IN RADICAL HONESTY 5!!!
Anticipate.
Hagios A. Akins
Posts in the series
Radical Honesty 1: The Opening
Radical Honesty 2: Expressing Anger and Disapproval
Radical Honesty 3: Extricate the Hypothetical you from the Real you
Radical Honesty 4: Disarm the manipulative game player by telling the truth
[…] you have been following this series from the opening, or seen the introduction to this part already, I am sure the idea of this particular part will not be strange to you. I am […]