Majority of the problems we are faced with today in our daily lives is because we fight ourselves. We hide under the guise of self-control and self-discipline to torture ourselves. And the sad part of this is that we assume/believe that we are trying to gain freedom from the things our heart pursue. We manage to convince ourselves that we are on the course to freedom. However, this is how we trap ourselves in the same thing we have dreaded the entire time—losing [control of] ourselves.

Believe me, true freedom is one void of self-control and self-discipline. I mean, you have gained freedom if and only if you no longer have flair for that particular thing. Better still, you have never had flair for the offence before. True freedom does not involve self-control. It does not involve curbing an attitude. No, true freedom means there is nothing to curb. And if narrowed to a particular offence, true freedom means the flair for that offence is just not there, not that you are trying to curb/tame it. See, what we often call self-control is just a psycholoclgical caging that we glorify—a scheme to just make us “feel happy” about ourselves that we are achieving milestones but not necessarily truly happy.

Let me put it in another way, I do not eat rat because I do not care for it—true freedom. But a situation whereby I care for a rat but because of some reasons, internal or external factors, I refuse to eat it—fake freedom. Even if I always pass the plate whenever I am served, it still is a fake freedom because I pass the meal for some reasons: maybe because of the fear of what will people say about me? (my reputation is at stake), the repercussion on my health—anything. And sadly this is how our two brains treat eachother if not handled with understanding.

Yes, there exists two brains that help us make decisions—The Logical Brain and The Feeling Brain. Mostly, they are simply put as The Brain and The Heart respectively. But they are the same thing [Kindly note that I might be alternating their usage].

The Feeling Brain, also known as the Heart, is the one responsible for our desires, the wishes, wants. While the Logical brain, also known as the Brain or the reasoning, is responsible for analysing every move, presenting the pros and cons of those moves to us. Technically, the logical brain is rational, while the feeling brain just wants everything regardless of the consequence—irrational, illogical. The rational brain loves to stay by the books—following rules and regulations. The heart does not think.

Make no mistake, neither of the two brains is more important than the other. A study in the 1950s shows how important the feeling brain is in living as a “responsible” human being. The feeling brain is responsible for love and hate. To repress its activity is to plot for doom.

Read: What happens when you try to use logic alone in decision-making

However, these two often disagree. They fight. Hence, the phrase, The Battlefield of The Mind. And the result of these fights may include: Thinking paralysis from over analysing things, feeling of guilty and self-doubt, depression, sadness, Self-loathing etc. The feeling brain (the heart) wants to love again after a heartbreak but the rational brain reminds the heart how it was shattered by the previous lover, hence, you are confused, whether to fall in love again or not. The feeling brain wants ice-cream but the logical brain tells it, “remember what happened to you the other day? how you caught cold and ended up with dysentery? you wanna do that again? you must be stupid!”. Hence, you are left indecisive at the ice-cream stand. The same thing happens to you at the supermarket, standing there and looking like a button hole because of your pocket.

The Thinking brain (logical brain) holds on to experience. It develops its basis of reasoning from the things you have experienced, and learned—religious, non religious, cultural, superstitious etc. The religious man constantly fights against fornication because he thinks it is a sin but his Feeling brain wants it. Hence, he seeks self-control, self-discipline, prays against temptation etc. The non-religious man fights this desire because his reasoning brain tells him he could contract STDs. On the other hand, the cultural man thinks some types of sex is a taboo and could have some physical consequences.

However this constant battle takes away your peace of mind. You overthink actions till you can no longer do them—thinking paralysis. I saw a photo/meme recently on Facebook that says that the rule this year, 2020, is to switch off his feeling brain. That is to OFF the heart and to leave the rational brain ON. But I looked at it for a second, this is absolutely impossible. And to attempt to do this will cripple whoever is trying to; because since he cannot truly tame his feeling brain from wanting to do things (the human innate nature craves for something), he will eventually start to see himself as worthless—one who lacks self-control and discipline. He begins to hate himself and there, he is back to the spot he dreads the most—confusion, heartbreaks, self-loathing etc.

But I want you to picture a situation whereby the two brains are ON and relating with eachother on a friendly page. A situation where the two of them have eachother’s back as close friends or lovers do. Yes, that is true freedom. That is supposed to be the goal, not turning one off because it is acting irrational. Like I have earlier said, to repress one is to plot doom.

Say there exists a couple in a home. The wife wants to go everywhere, she wants to buy everything, regardless of the repercussion of the move. But the husband always has her back regardless of the outcome of her moves. He always tells her, “Babe, whatever happens, we will handle it together”. Nine out of ten times, the wife would feel loved by the husband, she would talk to him about everything. A time would come eventually that she would not do anything without him approving of it. This, she allows out of her own will because she realises that he loves her and has her interest at heart, and not that he is just there to always criticise or lash out at her for making wrong/bad choices. Hence, harmony, happiness dominates the home. Which is what you and I want.

Think of the husband as your Rational Brain, think of the woman as your Feeling Brain, think of the home as you—your life. Until these two comes to agreement on any decisions; friend, depression, self-loathing, anger etc. is inevitable in your life. Your Logical brain must learn to tell the feeling brain something like this, “Hey babe, I know you want this ice-cream. It may not be so healthy for you but if it’s what you want, let’s see what happens, but I promise that I will always have your back despite the outcome.” Believe me, your heart melts and is energised to want to slap the devil. That is the confidence you need in life to overcome guilt—true freedom. This is the key you need to win over depression that comes from the feeling of anxiety, the fear of uncertainty, self-doubt, self-rejection—all negative emotions. The Brain and the Heart must work together.

Allow yourself to do what you want to do. Let your logical brain desist from reprimading your heart. Allow yourself to make mistakes. It is okay to be wrong. Remind your Brain, via affirmations, to always say to your Heart, “I got your back baby. Whatever the outcome, we will handle it. We will handle it together. I promise.” Do this and watch your fears go away. Do this and gain victory over self-doubt. Do this and let overthinking and thinking paralysis say goodbye to you. True freedom is void of control by the logical brain—self-control. And I am of the opinion that the more you let yourself do certain things that you really want/dread, the more you realise how unnecessary/unworthy of fear that they might be and the less you crave for them or fear them. This is True Freedom—it is in doing, not avoiding.

In conclusion, the psychological stress we go through everyday is a function of our trying to tame ourselves from doing certain things because we fear the outcome—we are not sure of what lies in the next minute. We often try to protect our image—our reputation. It is this daily battle that stresses us out really. And you know, as the saying goes, “When two elephants fight, the grass in the forest pays.” In this case, you are the grass, the currency is in the feelings of self-doubt, hate, depression, suicide etc., your brain and your heart are the elephants. They have to become friends and work hand-in-hand, having eachother’s back. This is when the forest can truly rest, and the grass blossoms at no cost.

Much love.

Hagios A. Akins

Recommendations Books:

• Feel the Fear…And Do It Anyways by Susan Jeffers
• Battlefield of The Mind: Winning The Battle In Your Mind by Joyce Meyer (Christian book)
• Everything Is Fucked—A Book About Hope by Mark Manson