Regret often is the beginning of doom of many. That feeling of, “yeah, I just made the worst mistake of my life and I will never recover from it.” We think that our moves always have to be perfect without the hash feeling of disappointment in ourselves.

However, one thing I have learnt in life about perfectionism is that it is stressful. Perfectionism in its extreme is maladaptive. Not that “perfect” cannot always be attained but the big question is: does it worth the nervous breakdown we often get from it?

It might be a little too hard for me to agree with any perfectionist who claims that perfectionism for him/her is not a big deal. Because, studies have shown that it is a big deal and can be daunting.

Let’s consider a few research conclusions about or definitions of perfectionism.

One, “According to Frost’s model, perfectionists are individuals who set high and often unrealistic standards for themselves and evaluate themselves harshly if they do not meet those standards.”

Two, according to Stoeber, 2018, Perfectionism is a multidimensional personality disposition characterized by striving for flawlessness and setting exceedingly high standards of performance accompanied by overly critical evaluations of one’s behavior.

Perfectionism is a nerve-racking disposition.

Now, let’s talk about the Dangers of Perfectionism

Related Post: Regret: How to Overcome the Feeling of Regret

Dangers of Perfectionism

The rise in perfectionism is especially troubling because it has been linked to an array of mental health issues—a meta-analysis of 284 studies found that high levels of perfectionism were correlated with depression, anxiety, eating disorders, deliberate self-harm and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).

The constant stress of striving to be perfect can also leave people fatigued, stressed and suffering from headaches and insomnia.

However, considering the definitions of perfectionism and perfectionist above, something is unique to them both—setting exceedingly high and unrealistic standards for one’s self.

And the truth is that sometimes my mistakes, few years after, often come as blessings. So, I began to call them necessary mistakes.

So, I would define NECESSARY MISTAKES as mistakes which in hindsight are a blessing. How do I mean?

I remember several years ago when I called my friend and started whining about how I had messed up and vented my anger in words as though she was the cause of my problem. Several years later, that thing that got me so riled up became my saviour. I mean the knowledge I gained from that experience was priceless.

Now, I would ask myself, was is so necessary after all to whine about the mistakes I have made?

In hindsight, it was absolutely unnecessary.

You see, the problem boils down to wanting to keep everything in order and to ensure that there is no mistake. But experiences so far have revealed to me that we are only humans and it is ours to err.

I do not in any sense imply that we should be reckless and inattentive to details—trying not to aspire to get things done without error or slight deviation in plans. No. What I am saying is that after you have tried your very best to ensure that you do everything meticulously and you still find that you made a few mistakes do not beat yourself up for that. Allow yourself to make mistakes.

Yeah, because research concludes that that is where the problem lies. That dissonance we experience in our cognition is the culprit that paralyses us from moving forward in life and often pushes us to make more mistakes.

The message is that, things won’t always go your way—according to plan, I mean. But you have to always remind yourself that: Of course, you tried your best. And that it’s only humane to err.

And in fact, in the end, in life, they may not be a bad mistake after all. Perhaps in the next couple of years you would see them as blessing rather than mistakes or misfortune. That mistakes could turn out to be blessings, that is the paradox of mistake.

See you in the next post.

Yours,

Hagios Akins