It is not uncommon for people to tell their success stories as though they were a god; and at it, invincible. We are the closest to us, however, we are the worst narrator of our own experiences.

Our experiences—the things we do—are a combination of ups and downs, fathomable and unfathomable things, salient and vague experiences. Explicit and implicit biases. Those are the things that really make up who we currently are, how we respond to our social world and, in fact, our achievements.

In reality, no one exactly has it easy.

However, people do not always intend to be manipulative while explaining their experience—not for the ego boost per se. Some are, in fact, seldom aware that they are making the godcomplex—flawless, infallible—impressions. It's just the human nature—our wiring.

Perception and memory studies show that we are more aware of the results of our thinking than its process.

In addition, the mental process that control our social behaviour are distinct from the mental process through which we explain our behaviour. Our rational explanations may therefore omit the unconscious attitudes that actually guide our behaviour.

Many things make for success. There's more to success than the observer's eyes can see, more than the listener's ears hear. The subtle mistakes of the narrator. The periods of tension and uncertainty about the said success. The times he wished he had quit; and the evidences that assured him of failure. The times he begged and was rejected. Internal conflict—worst of all. Problem of excess choices etc. Most of these things, they don't say.

In success stories, straight road is an illusion.

What am I saying in essence?

The sincerity with which people report and interpret their experiences is no guarantee of the validity of those reports—it is rather vague. In reality, it more complicated than they may have expressed.

A few things can cause that. I'll mention two.

1. Their mood while they explain those reports—their experiences. When we are sad, we remember [mostly] sad stuff from our past. When we are happy, we remember [mostly] the happy stuff from our past. And we easily explain away the bad experiences; usually, under the guise of "seeing the bright side of life", while in fact it's the happy hormone doing its trick in our head.

2. Hindsight bias effect. Also known as the "I knew it all along effect". The tendency to exaggerate, after learning an outcome, one's ability to have foreseen the outcome. That is, we tend to overly project our prowess—how smart we are—after the result has turned out good. Before the success, ask anyone about what they're doing, you might hear the uncertainty in their voice—the fear, the frustration—unlike you would after the work is done and the result exhilarating. Such is the subtleness of hindsight biases.

Personal testimonies are powerfully persuasive, but they may be wrong. Keeping this potential for error in mind may help us feel less intimidated by others and be less gullible.

People don't have it smooth. Success stories are usually bitter than perceived by listener. Usually not the intention of the testifier to be misleading, by being vague. It's just the human nature. We remember very little of our experiences. We overestimate the commonality of the salient points in explaining our experiences. We underestimate the commonality of the vague stuff. Sometimes, we tell people what they want to hear. Not what really happened. For the clicks, perhaps; or for the sympathy.

What am I saying in particular?

Hey, enough! Give yourself time. More time to fail. More time to learn. Give yourself some breathing space. Allow yourself to make mistakes. Your own success story does not necessarily have to be consistent with Elon Musk's. You don't have to quit school like Mark. You don't have to sell your house just like your favourite figure before you are finally convinced that you're making progress in life. Remember, that there's more to their story than they can even remember and tell—it's humane.

Wisdom is profitable to direct. See you in the next post.

Yours,
Hagios Akins

Reference:
Myers, D.G (2012). Social Psychology (11th ed.). New York: McGraw-Hill