Many times, people live their life and after ageing, they begin to wonder what they have lived for and why they exhibited certain behaviours in the past. Often, what disturbs our peace of mind is regret especially when a disheartening event has happened long ago and making amends seem almost impossible again.

For the strong outside, who seem to think rationally and move on, but as long the conscience is active, it brings regret to their remembrance or perhaps, when they encounter a similar situation. And for the emotional ones, it shows right through their daily lives and they just want to turn back time. Some even attempt to end their life feeling guilty and it practically affects some people for the rest of their lives, becoming a shackle they can’t get rid of.

Regret can be mild and when we remember what we should have done and didn’t do in the past, we just scratch our head and be like ‘oh’ …we just giggle and get embarrassed by ourselves. As much as regret can be mild, it can also be severe. It can be suicidal because it affects the mind and we begin to assume with the “IF” word. (See more: Counterfactual Thinking)

Adults in their mid-thirties and above often reminisce about their teenage and early twenties and be like “I shouldn’t have done that”, “oh, I should have done that”, “If only”. We all have it at some point in our life. Many people survive it because it could either be mild, some get therapies and some learn to let go and make sure they don’t repeat the same mistake.

Above all, it is important to love yourself and have faith in what you can do. Living your best life at the moment. Life is too precious to be wasted over regret, of course, some things may have happened and the consequences are still very alive and hunting you down. What you should tell your mind is, what do I do?… Act towards it, make it happen. Certainly, some mistakes leave a stubborn scar that refuses to go, but you can surely live a better life than before if you are willing to.

Do What You Need To Do

Regret happens to everyone and we often find it unavoidable as we journey through this obdurate life. According to Shai Davidai, he argued that “we’re better off digging into our oldest woes and becoming acquainted with their nature and the nature of our response to them.” If you are in a situation that requires losing a knot, don’t wait any longer, get down to it, lose it completely and find your peace back. Making amends for what has happened in the past is often one of the best ways to move on. Some regrets just require us to change our present self, let go and move on, only if it’s not too serious and requires no amendment but taking a better decision if in the same situation again.

However, it is important to understand yourself, no one knows you better than you. Only then can you take any action to heal or curb regret. Some get depressed due to regret but they find it difficult to know what to do to make it go away. Now is the time you ask yourself, what do I really want? What is the missing piece that needs to be found? Let your memory take you back to the past, leaving no details out, search your feelings and find what you want, that way, you can solve the puzzle and make your burdened heart empty, living your life without being held back by anything.

You must do what you need to do at the moment, giving yourself a healthy and panic-free life. When you feel it seems right after much thought and efficient consideration, do not procrastinate, just do what you need to do. Do what makes you burden-free, do what makes you happy. It’s important as long as you are happy “doing the right thing.” Hence, you can avoid being miserable, doing your best at everything to live a fulfilled life.

Related article: Why Can’t I make a decision?

A Short Story About my Friend

I had a friend who really loved to be a doctor, his father was his role model. He tried hard over the years trying to gain admission into a university to study medicine and surgery but he was given biochemistry instead. He accepted to study the course because he couldn’t bear to sit back at home.

However, throughout his stay at the university, he always feels distracted and regretful. He said “I don’t feel complete right now and I don’t think I can feel complete unless I become a medical doctor. I feel like that’s the only thing I can do well. I regret not pushing harder. I hate to be here.” I thought he was only feeling down wondering what his future holds which is normal for every university student, but I was wrong, his heart was in pain and every year, he just managed to hold on and at least graduated as a biochemist.

After graduating, he didn’t wait to get hunted down by regret, even though he wasn’t financially buoyant, he still pursued his dream. He worked in a hospital, learning and reading at the same time. Even during his internship at the university, he worked in a hospital and gradually, he was feeling complete. He kept working towards this until he gained admission to Ukraine to study Medicine and Surgery. He said, “I feel like I can finally live now, I’m doing what I know how to do best.” He is happy.

I found out that he could have been miserable and lived without direction if he hadn’t picked up his pace and worked towards getting rid of his regret. He doesn’t mind starting all over again, as long as he is on the path to becoming a new man, living a regret-free life. That’s why it is important to know what we want and what we must do to get it.

Regret is a negative emotion that occurs when a person believes his or her past actions or behaviors, if changed, may have achieved a better outcome. Regret is often closely associated with feelings of guilt and shame. We often express the emotion of regret to others in the form of an apology.

GoodTherapy.com

Causes of Regret

These are the common things that often lead to regret: hesitation, anger, cowardliness, laziness, inferiority complex, procrastination, and hopelessness. Regret can happen because of our attitudes and belief, and as we grow older, we find out that life isn’t always one way.  Hesitation and cowardliness walk side by side, supporting each other when it comes to decision making. When you begin to feel like you can’t do it, “maybe I should not do it”. Procrastination will be like, “oh, I can always do it anytime, I’ve got time”. Laziness finds its way in too. People lose their loved ones because they hesitated and procrastinated about telling and making them feel how much they mean to them, after which they feel deep regret because they can’t bring back their dead.

When we get angry, we do things out of place, say things we shouldn’t have said and when we are finally calm, our eyes are so opened and we wished we hadn’t gotten angry because some things may never remain the same.

Learn more about anger: Radical Honesty 2: Expressing Anger and Disapproval, Dare to repress anger? Why you shouldn’t.

Feeling inferior should be the last thing we should do to ourselves. I always say something, “God has designed every human to be special in their own way, He didn’t make us independent of ourselves so that we can help each other, rely on one another and make good use of our talents.” So, why would you be jealous of someone else when there are tons of inbuilt talents you need to discover in yourself. Many people say later “I should have loved myself better”, “I should have lived for me, should have been myself”. You are who you are and you are special. Discover yourself and be good at what you do.

On a final note on Regret

It is not over unless it really isn’t the way. Many people give up after facing a little challenge. We are bound to till the ground to get water, so why give up? As long as you want it so bad and you are doing the right thing, discipline yourself and make your determination strong. You can do it as long as you put your mind to it, seeing opportunities in the slightest ray of light that shines your way.

Are you still feeling regretful? Oh no! Get up now and do what you need to do.

You could as well check out Regret by GoodTherapy.com. If you find this article useful, do subscribe to Hagios Akins Newsletter so you don’t miss new updates and don’t forget to tell a friend. See you in the next post.

Yours,

Francisca