The often agrimony that ensue from our dissatisfaction in the behaviour of others is often the major cause of the inferno that in history has never yielded to containment. And if not addressed will soon be the doom of every man who lives.

Anger is defined as a strong emotion; a feeling that is oriented toward some real or supposed grievance (WordWeb Dictionary). Everyone gets angry. Angry kids. Angry Dads. Angry Moms. Angry Friends. Angry Preachers.

Really, not that anger is evil, just that the methods we have adopted in managing anger are not adequate. Some in the attempt to avoid losing control of themselves to anger, the keep quiet when they are offended. Some even run far away from anything or people that could make them angry.

The first is called “repressing or suppressing anger” and the latter, “emotional avoidance”.

A More Technical Approach

As defined by choosingtherapy.com, Repressed anger is anger that is unintentionally avoided, often as an attempt to avoid uncomfortable feelings related to stress, conflict, and tension. Repressed anger is different from suppressed anger, which refers to the feelings people purposely avoid. Often a go-to for a people-pleaser. While Emotional Avoidance is an attempt to avoid thoughts, feelings, memories, physical sensations, and other internal experiences. Both create harm in the long-run.

The first is basically about anger. While the second is on a larger scale—cutting across all spheres of the affected being. It includes staying away from people, relationships—anything that involves others for the fear of being hurt by them. And this has been the doom of many!

Anger has never been truly controlled by keeping quiet (turning a blind eye) to the act that triggers discomfort in you—suppressing anger.

Hence, I dare to say that any form of anger management strategy that encourages that you should never express your dissatisfaction about people and situations straightforwardly is worse than the problem it is trying to fix.

Anger is like a time bomb and if unattended, often explodes. The outburst of repressed anger is like the eruption of volcano and its effect worse than the Hurricane Andrew, 1992—an incredible damage.

Well, let me outline a few things you should keep in mind about anger.

Effect of Repressing Anger:

1. You lose grip of yourself
2. You break down and depressed
3. You pick up avoidable problems like High BP, Heart attack, Stroke and eventually;
4. You die quite early

Effect of Expressing Anger:

1. You have a peace of mind
2. Depression is far from you
3. You get to live longer

Read more: Radical Honesty 2: Expressing Anger and Disapproval

The best approach that I have employed, prescribed and have seen to be very effective in managing anger is to express what you are thinking (disapproval and annoyance) straightforwardly and honestly before it escalates and leads to a disaster that cannot be contained—worse than the Hurricane Andrews.

Make no mistake, there is no such thing as “You’re not supposed to be angry”. Anger is an emotional sensation that occurs as a result of displeasure in an act performed toward you. There is no reason why you should feel guilty for expressing your dissatisfaction about anything. It is absolutely okay to be angry. It shows that you have boundaries and someone is attempting to cross it.

Repressing anger, suppressing anger and emotional avoidance are never effective methods of anger management. Rather than avoid, face it. Call whoever is making you feel agitated to order by telling them straight to their face (more effectively on the spot), “Hey dude, did you realise what you just did/said to me was uncalled for?”

That is a start to an emotional freedom.

Yes, that simple act of expressing your annoyance can improve your quality of life. You could live longer by merely speaking up, rather than keeping mute.

Have any questions? Ask me in the comments, I’ll answer them.

Further reading: Radical Honesty 2: Expressing Anger and Disapproval

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